


Being Whole

by NyeLung



Series: Paradoxaverse [10]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: A Bit of Fluff, Bondage, Dealing with PTSD, F/M, Force Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Knights of the Fallen Empire, Ritual Sex, Sex as therapy kind of, actually only mentions of hurt and lots of comfort, mentions of torture, porn with character study, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-11 22:06:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13533507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NyeLung/pseuds/NyeLung
Summary: In the wilds of Odessen Satele has time to meditate until Marr discovers a unique and special cave.





	Being Whole

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Narina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narina/gifts).



> I think this is what you call therapeutic ritual sex combined with lots of philosophy, the Force and character development.

# Being whole

### 3636 BBY, Odessen

Satele knelt deep in meditation in a clearing of Odessen's forests after she'd found refuge here. Just like Zakuul, the Force was in balance here, Light and Dark in union and stronger for it. She'd stranded here after her escape from Zakuul. Odessen was a place of peace although she could feel the shadows of future wars even here on this wild planet.

She furrowed her brows and tried again to concentrate on the rushing of water down the cliffs to find the peace that she was seeking. On Odessen it was easier for her to forget about the scars Zakuul left on her mind and body. It was easier to forget how many Jedi she condemned to die before they had to capitulate.

That it was easier to forget didn't mean that she was able to. The guilt she carried weighed her down and made it challenging for her to heal. She was trying to bear the guilt so she could live and find redemption but that proved increasingly difficult. How could there be redemption for her after she was responsible for so many deaths? How could she hope for healing after so many died on her account?

She sighed, concentrating on the flowing, rushing water once again. There was also Darth Marr to consider. His constant presence confused her. She was alive now only because of him. After being killed by the Emperors, he'd searched for and found her months later when she was on the brink of death and since then he stayed by her side as long as she wasn't meditating. He respected her privacy although she could still feel him at the edges of her perception.

Frustrated by her thoughts constantly drifting off, Satele allowed them to drift even further. Maybe that would clear her mind if meditation couldn't. Thinking back, it was a miracle that she'd met Marr for the first time after the Battle of Rishi. So many times before their paths had nearly crossed during the Cold War and in the battles before. They had both been warriors fighting for their side.

She remembered her suspicions about him. The Revanite conspiracy had turned them into allies for a short time but beneath the layers of displayed trust they still were enemies. After all, he was a Sith, a good general and strategist and she was a Jedi, the Grandmaster of the Order. There was no chance for real trust between them.

Things changed on Yavin IV. She learned to overcome her first, basic mistrust after he saved her from a whole tribe of Massassi. She started to think about him and her perception of him. Of course, from a tactical point of view he couldn't afford to lose her. Her troops would have attacked the Imperials immediately and the Revanites would have won. But she had also sensed that he had saved her because of herself not for tactical reasons. It had been a strange, selfless deed for a committed Sith.

Whenever Satele asked him about his motivations that time, he denied having had a personal agenda. Satele knew better. As Sith always thrived on their emotions it was difficult for them to hide one when they felt it.

Of course, she'd paid back her life debt to him a few days later while saving him from a Sith Force ghost. Now she owed her life to him once more and had no way of repaying him.

A slow, burning ache in her back reminded her that she'd been kneeling for quite some time now although she wasn't fully healed yet. Maybe she'd never recover completely but Satele tried hard to forget about that. It was far easier to wonder about Marr staying with her instead of returning to Dromund Kaas and help the newly crowned Empress Acina in saving the Empire. He stayed and constantly reminded her that he had to save her in the swamps after she escaped the Emperors with barely more than her life and the medical bodice she stole to keep the many wounds that spread over her upper body closed.

Although he was a constant reminder of her failure, she couldn't stop but be enthralled by him. Not because of his looks. In that regard he wasn't as eye catching as other Sith. Feeling him in the Force though … Satele still couldn't describe his remarkable presence in the Force. He lived and breathed the Dark Side, no doubt, but he wasn't its slave. He was Sith but he didn't follow their code without questioning it. Behind the mask of the ruthless warrior existed a calculating, profound mind. It hurt to sense him in the Force for too long, too hot did he burn in the Dark Side.

Satele only admitted long after that it also hurt to turn away from him.

After they defeated Revan and left Yavin IV, there had been other things to keep her mind occupied. There were missions to lead, a Republic to protect and far too much to do to further investigate her feelings. Sometimes at night, though, when she had been lying awake and listening to the whispers of the Force she had thought back to the long night vigils, the philosophical discussions about the nature of the Force and his surprisingly enjoyable company and wit. Sometimes she had admitted to herself that she missed his presence, the flicker of untamed emotions that he never gave in to. In a certain way, he was much like a Jedi.

Sometimes she had reached out in the Force and searched for his presence, basked in the calmness he projected and retreated immediately after. Sometimes she had felt how someone touched her in the Force to gently but fiercely caress her and retreat as soon as she noticed.

Satele was no fool. She knew these feelings. The last time she felt like this she was fighting side by side with Jace on Alderaan.

“It's good to see you smile again”, she heard Marr's familiar voice inside her head. There was still his mask covering his face and his voice was still distorted by the vocoder but it wasn't as much as before.

“It's good seeing you again”, she replied. “You know, I still don't understand why you chose to become a Force ghost. All our discussions on the Yavin moon made me expect differently.”

“Because we discussed a different topic”, he answered without missing a beat. “I see no sense in becoming a Force ghost to defeat or escape death in some manner like many Sith. But there is still something I have to do and so I stay.”

Satele smiled despite herself. “And then you keep staying with me? There's not much to do around here.” She shook her head.

“There is something here”, Marr corrected her. After a moment of silence he continued. “I found a cave.”

Satele thought about commenting that Odessen was full of caves. She didn't.

“If you follow the course of the river until you reach an area even the fiercest carnivores don't tread, you found it.”

Satele waited for Marr to elaborate further but he said nothing more so she raised her eyebrows. “We both know that there's a lot of very dangerous caves around here. What's so special about the one you found?”

He hesitated. “You should see for yourself.”

“Now, that sounds ominous.” Her back creaked a bit as she stood up. “If you don't mind I will have a tea and a warm place at the fire before we go. I'm an old woman and I could use that right now.”

“Age has no meaning in the Force”, Marr reminded her.

“Don't quote Jedi lines to me, Marr. And the Force can rejuvenate my bones and ligaments.” Satele stretched a bit until standing didn't feel that terrible any longer. “Can I expect you to come with me? Otherwise I might talk with the air and that's a step towards madness I don't want to take just yet.”

“You still seem sane to me”, Marr responded.

“You coordinated the Dark Council. Almost everyone seems sane compared to that.”

Another silent pause. “I wish I could argue with you about that but you are right. The Dark Council was mad compared to you Jedi.”

Satele smiled a little. “You've never sat in a Council meeting where Syo and Orgus would discuss a topic for twelve hours straight. Once I had to keep Jaric from murdering the both of them.”

“You never told me that story.”

“I'll be walking for a while, I guess”, Satele said chuckling. “So I might just tell you.”

 

Satele felt it even before she entered the cave. The Force was strong here and swirled in different patterns than she was used to. “I think I understand what you meant, Marr”, she said while her steps took her inside. There were some kind of glowing mushrooms so she could leave the torch in her belt.

“You don't”, Marr answered her and his voice sounded distant. “Not yet. You have to go even deeper. You have to allow yourself to feel.”

She hesitated. The Force was flowing freely here, strong like a river but with dangerous currents that could rip her apart if she let her guard down. With every breath she could feel it clear and wild as a storm. It was overwhelming. “What if I lose myself here?”

“You are strong. You won't.”

That was the moment she could see him again. His form wasn't the translucent blue of a Force ghost she had gotten used to after he'd saved her in the swamps of Zakuul. He was still somewhat transparent but he looked nearly material. Startled, she stopped in her steps.

“How...?”, she asked. Then she understood. “This is about our discussions about the many sides of the Force and how neither Sith nor Jedi nor the Emperors fully understand it and are therefore weak. This...” Hesitatingly, she spun around and took in the cave with all her senses. “The Force is whole here, not interrupted by Light or Dark, just the Force.”

“Yes”, Marr confirmed in his grave voice.

For a moment it seemed as though he wanted to say more, wanted to explain. Instead he remained silent.

Satele took another step, carefully, and finally stood in front of Marr. She breathed in and out and tentatively touched the Force. Even just that nearly overwhelmed her and she clung to Marr's presence instead to ground herself again.

“How can you stay so calm?”, she asked, breathing heavily. She had to fight to keep control over herself. Her connection to the Force was strong and she could use it as easy as others breathed. In here it was overwhelming her and it would be far too easy to lose herself. That was why she held herself guarded most of the time.

“I don't”, he answered simply.

“But...” She tried to protest and stopped herself. She had known Marr while he was alive. He was just as strong as her and he hadn't lost himself in the netherworld of the Force. “Will you save me if I fall?”

“Yes”, he answered. “And no. I will do what I must.”

“What you must?” Satele raised an eyebrow.

“Can't you feel it, Satele?”

Startled, she held back her questions. He only used her name when he had something important to say.

“I can hear it in every nuance of the Force. I can feel it with every fibre of my being. Can't you? Has grief really blinded you that far that you can't sense it?”

Satele didn't know the answer. “Just say it. I'm useless as a Jedi.”

“You've given up”, Marr replied. “Not only the fight against Zakuul but also yourself.”

“I didn't!”, she protested immediately.

There was a moment of unbelieving silence. “Then why are you afraid to touch the Force?”

Satele hesitated to answer. “People have gone mad, losing themselves in the Force. You should know that.”

“And you believe you are one of them? Didn't you give yourself over once already?”

Marr's voice mingled with the thoughts in the back of her mind. The thoughts that told her that she was strong. The thoughts that were drowned out by her doubts.

“I did. It nearly killed me.” She sighed exasperatedly and tried not to remember the battle against Revan on Yavin IV. 

He nodded as an answer. He knew.

“If I do what you imply, I will die.” She hesitated. “I'm not a Barsen'thor or a Hero of Tython. I'm not like them. If I try to wield such power, it will burn me out and leave nothing but a shell.”

“But you _are_ the Grandmaster of the Jedi Order.”

“What's left of it you mean”, she replied self deprecatingly. “I sent them to die.”

“That is unbecoming of you”, he scolded. “To use their deaths as an excuse for your fear is very unbecoming of you.”

Satele took a step back, hands on her hips. “What do you know of my fears?”, she asked. “Who are you to judge what is unbecoming of me? This is my guilt to bear. How could I let myself forget?”

Marr closed the gap, now towering over her again. He was tall, she noticed anew and his armour made him appear even taller and broader. “How can I not judge when the Jedi I learnt to respect lets herself drown in her own guilt instead of standing up to fight?”

There was no answer Satele could throw in his face to prove him wrong. He was right. She had to face her fears, she had to stand up again and fight because that was what she owed all those Jedi she sent to their deaths. “You are right. This behaviour is unbecoming of me”, she admitted. Satele allowed herself to let a part of her guard down. Sitting on the Council, being the Grandmaster, she always had to be right and not admit faults openly unless she wanted the Jedi to be mangled by the Republic's politicians. “I think you've hit a nerve there.”

“That's what I wanted”, he admitted without a hint of guilt. “So many died when the Emperors of Zakuul invaded our planets. There aren't many left who could fight them and win. If not you who can?”

Satele shuddered from sudden cold. “I can't. They caught me once. You know that. You found me. You _rescued_ me.”

“So I did. But it was you who survived, Satele.” His words were so warm like the way he embraced her in the Force.

Involuntarily, Satele curled her arms around her body, still feeling the stings of pain in her back where the whips had hit her. She still bore the marks of torture that wouldn't end until she'd found a way to escape. There were regions in her mind ravaged time and time again by those much more powerful Emperors. It was a constant ache she mostly pushed to the farthest corners of her consciousness.

She looked up into Marr's expressionless mask. “You don't know what happened in the depths of the Spire. I was dying and there was no relief in the Force. I was alone while they did – while they tortured me.” It was the first time she'd spoken these thoughts out aloud and she had to fight her emotions and the tears welling up in her eyes to at least appear calm.

She breathed in deeply and only then did she understand. She didn't have to be the perfect Jedi now. There was no one who could see her here except Marr and he already knew. He had seen her, had seen how she had crawled out of the depths of the Spire into freedom. Marr had seen her at her worst and still believed in her strength. With one more breath, Satele allowed the tears to fall.

She hadn't cried in a long time while someone could see it. She hadn't allowed herself to but now she couldn't keep the tears at bay any longer. Quiet sobs shook her whole body while Marr was just there and kept her company. She could feel him touch her in the Force, comforting her. It made her smile. “Where did a Sith Lord like you learn to comfort someone?”, she joked while tears still fell from her eyes.

“I did take very young apprentices once”, he reminded her. “A child doesn't learn if you deprive it of everything but fear and hate. It doesn't work.”

Satele tried to laugh and not think too hard about what he implied. It would just remind her that he still was a Sith although he'd become … more since his death. She wiped the tears off her face. Now was not the time to cry like a child. She'd broken the first barrier, the rest of grieving could be done later. Just like she had done years ago when she had to bury Shigar, her late Padawan.

Another deep breath and she released her emotions into the Force. She was a Master. She could surpass this, she could fight her doubts and win, she could trust in the Force again. Although she couldn't let her emotions go completely – the scars too fresh and the guilt too heavy – she could breathe more easily now and her mind was clearer. 

“Yes, that is more like the Jedi I got to know.” Marr sounded pleased and Satele liked to imagine that he was smiling behind his mask. Only a tiny, satisfied smile.

“That does not justify your way of pushing me into grieving”, she reminded him. “It was not nice.”

“I am Sith. I do not do nice.” He chuckled lowly.

“And that's why I don't picture you as a member of the Dark Council any longer. No one will believe me that you actually possess a sense of humour.” Satele joked. It was easier now.

“There are a lot of things I kept hidden”, Marr admitted. “Just like you.”

“Somehow I doubt that a sense of humour is as forbidden for Sith as a child is for Jedi.” Satele was still joking light-heartedly but she had also become wary. There were secrets she held close to her heart that she wouldn't even entrust her closest allies with or the most silent guardians. There were secrets buried so deep in her mind that not even the Emperors had found them.

“A valid point.” Marr nodded his head in agreement. “Will you do it?”

Satele closed her eyes. Would she? Could she?

“I know that if you grieve properly and let go of your fear, you will return to the warrior you have been before.” There was the sound of unspoken words in his voice and the hesitation of maybe speaking too much, of maybe having said too much and destroyed all the effort he had put into healing her. “Given more time you can be who you were once again or you can allow yourself to fight like you did on the Yavin moon and become so much more. You trusted the Force then. You can do it again.”

“It won't be enough if I just return to what I had. We both know that.” Satele breathed in deeply to calm her thoughts. “I have to do it. If I want to live I have to let go.” She stated it as a fact but there was an inaudible question in her words. Marr didn't answer. “I just ask you for one thing, Marr.”

His silence was a quiet question.

“If I lose myself, if I go mad, then you have to kill me.” She looked straight into his mask where his eyes should be and everything in her posture was supposed to tell him that she would only accept one answer.

“I will.”

He didn't have to say more than these two words. His words alone were a binding oath. Even in death, Marr was a Sith with honour.

Satisfied, Satele closed her eyes again. Her connection to the Force was strong and easily done but most of the time she held herself guarded. She would have to let go of these protections now. She would have to give herself over to the Force and not lose herself in the process. It might be the most dangerous thing she's ever done and she counted thrashing Darth Malgus in a wall of debris among those things.

The Force was glowing with power, flowing through her, flooding her senses until all she could feel was the Force. Her breath steadied with the rhythm of the Force, in and out, in and out, a never ending loop. Life. Satele let it in, let it fill her out. She listened to the growing and ebbing of the currents, she listened to Marr's even breathing, that followed the same rhythm as hers.

Fascinated, she stepped closer to him. He was breathing, even, deep breaths filled his lungs. She could see how his chest moved beneath the armour. Entranced, she reached out with one hand towards him and flinched back in surprise when she was met with resistance where he stood. She had actually felt him and the armour he'd donned. There was metal and leather beneath her fingers and the tingling sense of tangible power.

“How can this – How can I feel you?”, she asked confused and full of wonder. Carefully, Satele reached out again. She'd thought it impossible and yet here she was touching a person that was dead.

“This kind of question coming from such a bright Jedi?”, he teased and sat down. She could hear the slight rustling of leather sliding against stone. This was real or she was losing her mind. “How can it be? The Force. It always comes down to the Force.”

Satele sat down beside him, hyper-aware of the stone in the Force. It was unsettling and hard to concentrate but she had to do it. “That's a bit more than is usually possible with the Force.”

“No, it's not”, Marr corrected. “People just rarely allow themselves to let themselves be guided by the Force. You will see that much more is possible than you ever believed if you let your fear go. Isn't that what the Jedi preach?” His words were teasing but his voice was sincere and serious.

Satele was silent. She had opened herself up to the Force just like on the Yavin moon but slowly she started to realise that she could do so much more. Of course, Marr had noticed that. She was fearful and she couldn't find a fault in it when thinking back to the fight against Revan. She had been close, far too close to losing herself. “I think I have a bad influence on you”, she joked to distract him.

“Some might say that but maybe you have helped me to see clearer”, he responded enigmatically. “There is more to the Force than Jedi or Sith can see. I understand that now.”

“I know … My … mother left her journals to me.” Satele folded her hands in her lap.

“So, why are you still afraid?” Marr turned towards her and suddenly she noticed his proximity to her with her Force-attuned senses. He was calm, the centre of the storm that was about to swallow her.

“I think I've forgotten how to not be afraid”, she answered quietly, concentrating on the calmness that he projected. “I think down there, in the dungeons of the Spire, I truly learnt how devastating and brutal the Force can be. If the Force … if it really is this almighty presence linking everything … why does it let all these things happen? The madness of Revan, Vitiate … my torture?”

Marr heaved a sigh. “Let me show you.” He held up his hands, close to her temples. “Do you trust me?”

Satele didn't need to answer. She just closed her eyes. His fingers were tender caresses when he placed them on the sides of her forehead.

Flashes of visions crossed her mind. A tear in the fabric of reality, no, two of them. One old and forgotten, rotting at the edges, one new and still bleeding drops of void into the Force.

“The Force is torn, it has been used in ways that made the Force tear itself apart.” Satele shuddered at the mere thought. Still there was the void slowly bleeding into reality, consuming all life it touched, turning the shades of the Force's colours into grey. “It has been violated to be used again and again in every horrific manner you can imagine.”

Satele couldn't stop shivering. Just thinking of that bleeding void made her feel cold in ways the dark side of the Force never had. It was so much more and so much less. She couldn't fully comprehend it. “What can we do? Can we stop it?”

“We?” Marr sounded amused. “No. We are just the stepping stones for those who will. There are prophecies of Chosen Ones who will restore balance to the Force, who will mend those rifts. It is not us.”

“So what will we do?” Satele was only whispering now, her voice hoarse and her mind occupied by concepts far greater than her.

“We will pave the way for those coming after us.” His fingers still lay on her temples. “We will _live_.” He chuckled lowly. “You will, at least.”

Satele laughed involuntarily. “Living? I think I can do that.” The laughter subsided. “But it's not enough, is it? I have to fight.” She stood up, not able to sit any longer while she had to make the decision that was most likely the most important in her life. “I have to stop being afraid. If the Emperors continue, there won't be any path left to pave, will it?”

She didn't wait for an answer. There wouldn't be one anyway. It was her decision and Marr had already made his point clear. He had told her what he would do in her position, he had shown her why she should do it. She knew that she should do it. And still … she was afraid.

Satele breathed in deeply. If she really was going to do this, if she was going to open herself, submitting completely to the will of the Force, risking to lose her mind, her self, everything. If she really wanted to stop being afraid, then she could also do something she had never allowed herself to do. At first, it had been against the rules of the Order and then she had been too afraid and then Marr had died. But now, in this moment, in this cave, things were different.

“Hold me”, she said.

Silence. “What?”

“I want you to hold me.” _Hold me, touch me, kiss me, ground me._ She didn't dare speak it all out loud. Although she knew that, in some way, Marr was attracted to her, she wasn't sure if he would act on it. After all, she was still a Jedi and he was Sith.

“Are you -” He didn't finish his question. Instead he wrapped his arms around her smaller frame and held her just the way she had imagined in the long nights alone.

Satele breathed in deeply. Marr's hands were steady weights on her shoulders and in the quiet of the cave she could actually hear his breathing behind the mask. With him at her side, it didn't feel that bad to have broken the rules of the Order. Again. Just like she had done with Malcom. Just like she had done … then. The prospect of breaking another rule wasn't that intimidating any longer. 

The Force was like a deep ocean. Beneath the surface there were lurking shadows and long forgotten secrets that better stayed hidden. The Code existed for a reason. Every Jedi learnt that it was dangerous to dwell too deep within the currents of the Force. Everyone who ever did came back … different. Those who weren't outright crazy still were … there was something wrong with them. Very wrong. As though they couldn't remember the worth of one life. As though they had seen things that made life itself seem unimportant.

For the first time in her life, Satele decided to completely ignore the Code. Marr still held her in his embrace and she took her chances. With a fluid movement, she got onto her toes, laid her hands on the sides of his mask and pressed a shy kiss onto the cold metal. Immediately, his grip on her shoulders tensed and there was a sudden disruption in the Force surrounding him.

“... Satele”, he said, her name on his lips a single sign of insecurity. Satele could feel the questions burning on his tongue. Was she sure what she was doing? Did she really want to initiate this? If she was honest to herself, she wasn't sure. This was a path there was no turning back from. But then, she already started to walk down on it since Yavin IV.

“I am, Marr. I am sure of it.” Carefully, she pressed herself against him. “Please … stay.” It was the only thing she knew for sure in this moment. She wanted him to stay. There were more things she wanted him to do but she didn't know how to voice them.

“I will.”

Satele didn't listen to his answer. She relied on his support and breathed in and with the air she let the Force in to flow through her. No barriers, no protections. She gave herself over to the Force. Just like on the Yavin moon and just like then Marr was there. Like a dam just broken the Force rushed through her, wild and dangerous, feral and free. It felt like relief and agony and wild joy tangled together until she couldn't decide which was which. There was so much raw power at the tips of her fingers she could probably shoot lightning. She'd seen it often enough and it shouldn't be that difficult.

She still held her hands to Marr's mask and it was the cold metal that grounded her. Cold metal and his calm presence in the midst of the storm of her emotions. Satele was gasping and breathing heavily, her whole body shivering. This time there was no fight that needed her immediate attention and she was able to feel so much, so much more than on Yavin IV. She was drowning because she allowed herself to feel it all, her emotions, the depths of the Force, the wilderness of Odessen, the wholeness of everything.

There was fear, primal fear striking her mind. It was too much, far too much for her to bear. Satele struggled with the fear and the doubts. She hadn't come here to return to the person she'd once been. That wasn't enough. The Emperors would defeat her again and this time they might even break her completely. Satele gripped Marr tightly and let go of her last defence that kept her from losing herself to the Force. If she hesitated any longer she might die just the same. So she did what she could do because Satele could never and would never allow herself to go down without a fight.

Marr was still there. His hands on her shoulders, his body pressed against hers and all he was, his whole being lying open like a datacore in front of her. He had told her to open herself up but he had left himself open as well and she could see, really see him even with her eyes closed.

He still was a dark storm in the Force but centred, controlled. There was the calmness of an accomplished Master combined with the ferociousness of a Sith who once sat on the Dark Council. There was even more. There were sides to him she couldn't place with either faction and now they were lying open for her to see. The determination to see the Emperors fall and the Empire of Zakuul destroyed. The protectiveness of the Empire he had served so long. Hope and … longing.

From their whole talks and discussions she knew that there was more to Marr than met the eye. Now she was surprised how much more there really was. Usually, the Dark Side left their users more or less empty, hollowed out by their own desires and hatred. Marr was not.

The first rush of power subsided and Satele could finally catch her breath again, return some semblance of balance to her body and mind. The Force was flowing in gentle currents, caressing her like a child long lost and found again. It made her senses tingle. It was so hard to not completely give herself up and just let things happen. Empires rose and fell and it all happened in the ways the Force willed it. She didn't have to fight. The Emperors would die some day anyway. Someone would fight them. She could leave it to others to stay complacent in the embrace of the Force and of Marr.

Satele shook her head. No, she wouldn't give up. This was her fight and she would not lose herself. She would follow the will of the Force but the Force would also bow to her will, to her stubbornness and her determination to protect those she loved.

“It's difficult at first, isn't it?”, Marr interrupted her thoughts. “Keeping your self while also drifting with the Force.”

Satele shakily nodded her head. Difficult wasn't exactly the word she would use. It felt like she was tearing herself apart to maintain the fragile balance needed to not fall into the abyss of the Force. “Don't ...”, she said when he retreated after noticing that she had stopped swaying from one side to the other. “I'm still feeling dizzy. I've held on to these protections for so long, it's hard to let go.”

They both knew she meant more than her mind's protection from the wholeness of the Force. As she could feel Marr, he could feel her and her emotions were unprotected and no secret to him. They both knew what they thought when no one was there to hear them.

Hesitantly, she allowed his hands to slide off her shoulders. Although she knew his emotions she didn't know how he would react if she delved further into this unknown territory. There were doubts in her mind keeping her from just acting on her emotions. Satele pushed those doubts away. This was the day she was letting go of her fears and doubts and she would not let herself be kept back by them.

Slowly, she gathered her courage. “May I see you? Can you take off that mask?”

He tensed noticeably. Satele could feel his projected unease in the Force, his fear. What he hid under his mask had to be his best kept secret. She'd wondered about it since the first time she met him. He never took off his mask unlike other Sith. They revelled in their scars, in the fear they induced. She wondered if maybe Marr had to keep a secret behind that mask. Maybe there was something no one could ever know unless he wanted to die, wanted to be murdered by other Sith.

“What are you afraid of?”, Satele asked, pushed further because there was no going back. There never had been. “What do you hide?” Carefully and very slowly, as though a hasty movement might destroy the moment she laid one hand on his mask just like she would with a man's cheek. It felt cold under her fingertips, adamant as the man who wore it. She laid her second hand on his chest, felt his muscles tighten beneath the twisted leather.

Then he pushed her against the cave wall, caught her between his massive body and the rocks in her back. Satele felt something in her mind falling into the right place. Instead of tensing up she relaxed, let Marr keep her in place and waited for him to find the right words. She could feel his unease with her questions, could feel how hard it was for him to even entertain the thought of removing his mask.

She had expected an order. Instead he pleaded. “Don't...” _Don't ask me, don't push me, don't put me in this position._

Satele looked bashfully down, then up again. “It's alright, Marr. I went too far. It was my curiosity speaking. It doesn't need to be satisfied.”

“No, you were right. I urged you to conquer your fear. Maybe it is time that I conquer mine”, he answered in a serious tone.

Slowly, Marr raised his hands to his mask. Satele noticed how she held her breath in anticipation. She wasn't sure what she was expecting, still wasn't sure if she hadn't gone too far. His fingers touched the rims of his mask where it was held in place. She could hear the hiss of air rushing in as though the mask still belonged to a living person. Slowly, he took the mask off, still keeping it in his gloved hands, ready to put it back on.

His face was scarred. That much she had expected. It seemed like it had been some kind of acid that took his looks and seemingly his sight. Satele didn't care about that. She raised her hand and lightly touched his cheek with her fingers. He shuddered slightly beneath her tips.

Satele closed her eyes to explore his face. She wanted to feel, didn't need to see what her fingers told her. She could feel old scars in his face, signs of the hard life of a warrior. Satele carried some herself, nearly invisible because of immediate kolto treatment and her mastery of the Force. Most Sith didn't believe in that. They carried their scars to prove their strength. The acid scarring was strongest around his eyes and he flinched when she let her fingers travel there so she retreated down his face. His mouth was slightly opened, his breath warm on her fingers tracing his lower lip's line. She raised her other hand from his chest to trace his jaw, strong and so fitting to a man like him.

While she was exploring the lines of his face, he did the same to her. Nimble fingers pushing a strand of grey hair away from her forehead. Calloused tips following the lines of her cheek bones down to her jaw and lips. She leaned into the touch and didn't care when he'd taken off his gloves.

Caressingly, he pulled her closer so that she could feel the warmth of his body beneath the armour and leather and could hear his heart beat. It was strange to hear the beating heart of a dead man but she didn't question it. Not here, not now. She could feel his muscles relaxing a bit beneath her touch and how they moved as he closed in on her. One hand cupped her face and he halted like he was unsure what he was allowed to do. How far could he go? How far would Satele go? She didn't know herself.

Marr stopped. “We can still stop this”, he said carefully, his eyes not seeing her and yet still expressing his insecurity.

“Do you want to? Because I don't.” She grasped his shoulders with her hands and made sure that he could feel her. “I've been wanting this since Yavin.”

This time she kissed him on the lips. First, he was stunned by her action then he reacted. Fiercely, he bowed down to capture her lips and take control over the kiss like he took control everywhere in life. Teeth bit her lower lip to allow him entrance and she granted it to let his tongue explore her mouth, explore his mouth at the same time and taste him.

She moaned quietly in his mouth. He tasted like the crackling of ozone in the air right before a lightning strike. He tasted like power, like the feral side of the Force let lose. He held her while kissing her until she was gasping for air because breathing through the nose wasn't enough. 

His hands roamed from her shoulders to the small of her back. With ease, he lifted her up and let his mouth trail down the line of her jaw until he nibbled on her neck. Satele, sensitive in this spot, threw her head back and bit back a moan that would have been embarrassing. He chuckled lowly against her bare skin, though, the bass of his voice vibrating in his chest and beneath her fingers.

“Don't”, he whispered into the skin of her neck. “You don't have to hide. No more hiding.”

“No more hiding”, she echoed. He'd taken off his mask. It was time that she did the same although it wasn't as material and adamant as his. Beneath his mask he had hidden his scars. Beneath her usual calm demeanour she had hidden her fear.

Marr was holding her steadily so she didn't have to support her own weight. Her back was pressed against the stone walls of the cave and her chest against his. With a heavy breath, Satele gripped the hemlines of her robes and let them slide down her shoulders until they got caught up between their bodies.

Slowly, he followed the trail of her neck nibbling every inch, drinking in her quiet gasps and moans as he stimulated the sensitive skin. Then he met another layer of robes. With a frustrated groan he pressed her harder against the wall to free one hand so that he could pull the robes away and continue exploring her skin.

She felt his lips reaching the beginning of the extensive scarring she'd received at the hands of the Emperors of Zakuul. He paused a moment and then continued down his chosen path, nibbling now and then and following the lengths of the scars with his tongue.

Satele tensed up a bit when she realized that he was nearing the rim of her medical bodice. As she no longer possessed the self-healing powers of the young woman she'd once been, she needed help to keep the scars from opening again. They had done something to the wounds that kept them from fully healing. But maybe, if she allowed herself to fully trust in the Force again, she could be whole once more. Everything was possible with the Force.

“Should I stop?”, Marr asked when he noticed how tense Satele had become. “I don't have to take it off to pleasure you.”

Satele had enough experience not to blush when confronted in such a straight-forward way. Still, she felt her cheeks heating up and looked down, just to see Marr's strong hands lying on the lacing of her bodice. She bit her lower lip, fighting for the right words to say. She had never been direct in asking for what she wanted, even less so when having sex.

“No, don't stop”, she whispered. “Don't you dare stop now.” It had taken so much out of her to build up the courage to ask for this, to admit to herself that she wanted this. She would not allow herself to mess it up now.

“Don't think so much”, he answered in a husky voice.

Satele tried to. She tried to forget about thinking while losing herself in the sensation of being close to someone again. It had been so long since she last had this. It had been so long since she last trusted a person enough to let that person this close. It had been so long that she could allow herself to not follow the Code for a while because no one was watching her every move for weaknesses to exploit.

“Stop thinking. Feel the Force”, Marr commanded and his tone made it difficult to resist.

Oh, but she felt the Force, felt it with every fibre. She had to concentrate to not feel the Force for a moment. It was all so present in her mind that she could hardly finish her thoughts. And Marr, she felt Marr. In the Force just as much as physically. He was there and yet he was also not, just a fleeting impression in time, just enough there, here, to touch, hold, kiss, ground her.

He buried his nose in her hair and she could feel him breath her scent in, relish in it. His broad, calloused hands were roaming her back, exploring the long, jagged scars the Emperors had left there. He found the branding marks and hissed menacingly in response. “When you stand against the Emperors, you won't be alone”, he said as though he stated a fact.

“You will fight by my side?”, she mumbled into his chest. Satele wasn't sure how to feel. It was good knowing that there would be someone with her, someone at her side while she faced her fears. And still his calloused hands drew circles around the scars on her back, the roughness speaking of hours and hours of lightsaber training.

“Where else would I be?”, he answered with another question. “They killed me and I will take revenge for that.” He made a little pause while circling around her spine. “And, of course, rid the galaxy of them.” He hissed the last part right into her ear and together with his fingers playing on her back, Satele couldn't help but shiver.

“But can you – outside, I mean?” She looked up and was met with the sight of a slight stubble on his chin. “In here you seem pretty material but outside... can you even pick up a lightsaber?”

“Do I need a lightsaber to fight?”, Marr asked with a low rumble. “I am one with the Force and the Force is with me.”

“The Force is with me and I am one with the Force”, Satele replied instinctively. It was an old prayer and chant she had learned when she had still been a little child. She blinked. “How do you know that? It's a Jedi prayer.”

“It's a prayer to the Force”, he corrected. Without the mask she could really appreciate the low timbre of his voice and it made her long for more. “Those are the last words I thought when I died.”

There was a sharp sting of pain in the Force, a feeling of hopelessness and being weak, too weak. There were memories of death, glimpses of his last moments, the anguish of having lost and knowing it.

Slowly, Satele reached out to him, shortly caressed his cheeks and reached deeper then. She searched for the clasps holding the spikes and armour plates in place. Below the plating and the leather his skin radiated the heat of a living person. Satele wasn't satisfied any longer with only feeling it with her Force senses. She wanted to feel his naked skin against her own. She wanted to feel alive again. She wanted to make him feel alive.

It was frustrating how difficult it was to undo his armour. Whoever had designed it hadn't thought of sex in a cave. To be fair, Satele had never thought of having sex in a cave either. With a low chuckle Marr retreated a bit to open the clasps himself. “No, I haven't thought of having sex in a cave when I designed this”, he answered her unspoken thoughts.

“Don't you remember that it's rude to intrude in someone else's thoughts?” Satele tried a small smile while gathering up her courage.

“I didn't.” A smile appeared on his lips while he let the plates fall to the ground. They didn't make a sound. After all, they were just projections of a dead man. “But your movements were quite obvious to interpret.”

“Then, could you help me get this off, too?” She laid his hands onto her bodice. Theoretically, she could get out of it on her own, practically it would hurt less if he helped.

There was a hint of surprise in his features and she could clearly sense it in the Force. “That will open the scar tissue. I can sense it.”

“Yes”, Satele agreed. “But today, here, I can heal it. That is what I sense. And-” She bit her lower lip again as though she was that young woman on Alderaan again. “I want to feel you completely. Not just in the Force.”

Marr hummed a low agreement and with swift movements he opened the lacing of her bodice as though he'd done it often before. It hurt when he peeled the artificial skin off that kept the torture wounds closed. She could feel the bleeding start again and the pain – oh she remembered this kind of pain now that the painkilling solution woven into the fabric was gone. For a moment she felt like she was back in the chambers of the Spire, like she was lost again.

This time, Marr was there. He held her while she breathed through the first wave of pain, he held her while she forced her broken flesh to mend. He was there when she fought through all the doubts she had accumulated, when she fought down all the toxic thoughts blocking her access to the Force, poisoning it. He held her tight and secure, held her in a heated embrace and neither of them cared about the blood trickling on his fingers, hot and thick with poison.

As soon as the pain started to fade, Satele realized that she had gripped his shoulders hard and tight enough that the leathery fabric had crinkled. Hastily she released her grip but Marr stopped her. Instead he guided her hands so that she could slide the leather tunic off of his shoulders to reveal the linen clothing beneath.

“Let me see your back”, he ordered. “I want to see if it's healed properly.”

Satele turned around without a word of protest. She braced the wall with her hands for support and felt the cold stone with her forehead. “I don't think I messed up the healing so that a Sith has to lecture me on it.” She smiled and let her teasing be evident in her voice.

Marr just chuckled lowly. “Not so long ago you weren't even able to properly connect with the Force. Forgive my doubts, Jedi.” His fingers traced the lines of the newly formed scars. Then his mouth followed. Carefully, he licked up the bloody trails, making sure that not a trace of it was left.

“Are you sure you want to lick up that poison?”, she asked. He might be dead but if she hadn't been able to heal it, it could be some kind of poison imbued with the Force and should be able to damage him.

He hummed against her skin and the vibrations combined with the heat of his tongue and his teasing fingers searching for her bosom made her throw back her head in surprised pleasure. “There never was any poison.” He continued licking, further and further down her back until he reached the upper rim of her pants and the bulk of her robes that had been caught up there at her belt. “It was all you, not allowing yourself to heal and forgive yourself.”

Satele wanted to turn around, wanted to tell him to his face what she thought of that idea but he captured her wrists and held her against the wall. “Don't turn around”, he ordered and this time he expected her to follow his order. “Can you really say that you tried to heal yourself?”, he continued, his mouth now back at her neck, so close to her sensitive earlobe and his low voice full of power, power he held over her.

She tried to struggle against his hold, didn't want to listen although she knew he was right. He was speaking out aloud what she had suspected and yet she couldn't stand to listen. “Don't”, he ordered again and tightened his grip. Immediately, Satele stopped struggling. Yes, she didn't have to struggle. She had to get through this. She couldn't run and even if she could, she shouldn't. “Can you really say that you tried to forgive yourself, Satele? Can you?”

Satele could feel her voice grow hoarse before even speaking. He was telling the truth. She hadn't tried. “But how could I?”, she asked, hoarse and nothing but a whisper. “How can I forgive myself for all the lives I've sacrificed?”

“You can't.” He stated it like a fact. But while his words sounded cruel, his actions were not. He still held her, kept her safe, kept her grounded against the currents of the Force trying to rip her apart while her emotions got the better of her. “But can you let them have died in vain? Can you forgive yourself if you just do nothing?”

“No.” Satele could answer that without any hesitation, without the ever-present doubts.

“Then fight”, he whispered right into her ear. “Fight for their forgiveness.”

Again, she shivered in response. The naked skin of her back was rubbing against the rough linen of his clothing and she was still hyper-aware of how he had licked up her blood in that slow, gentle way. How the rough fingers now holding her wrists against the cave wall had carefully traced every fresh scar. It had been so intimate and now he was so close to her again, enveloping her with his presence in the Force.

She could feel one hand tracing a particularly nasty scar from her spine to her front and up to her left bosom. Lightly, he pinched her nipple and drank in her surprised gasp. “Do you like that? Do you want me to continue?” He pinched her nipple again, a bit harder this time, a bit more vicious. It took a lot of effort not to squirm against him.

“Please”, was all she could say. Her voice was still hoarse and the rest of the words were drowned in embarrassment.

“You know”, he said while tracing a finger down her belly towards the rim of her pants. “I have been fascinated by you for quite some time. I wondered what would break you, just like all the other Sith. Everyone could see your strength and everyone wondered what would make you kneel.” His finger slipped into her pants, not quite touching her but close enough to be a promise. “I had never thought that it would be pleasure.”

Satele sensed the tension in the air, in the Force surrounding them, the heralds of what would happen if only she allowed herself to accept her feelings. Her senses tingled with the shadows of premonitions, writhing bodies, sweaty flesh grinding against each other in the rhythm of the Force, bonds being woven. “Don't”, she pleaded. “Just don't stop.”

“So you would submit to a Sith?”, he queried unbelievingly and yet he was pressing her harder against the stone wall and made her throw back her head with a swift motion of his fingers in her pants so that he could nibble on the sensitive skin on her neck.

“No”, she answered without any hesitation. “I would submit to _you_. I submit to the Force.”

She could feel the Force resonate around them with her words. She could feel paths opening and others crumbling into the nothingness of what could have been. She could feel Marr straightening in her back and his presence becoming … more.

“Thank you.” It was Marr's voice and yet it was not. Satele reached out in the Force to feel what had changed, what exactly had happened but she could feel nothing amiss, only Marr.

Then it clicked into place in her head. Abruptly, she turned her head around to see into his face, to see all the subtle changes in his posture and the relaxation in his features. It was all him and yet slightly different. She reached out in the Force again and understood. He was _all_ she could feel in at the moment.

Marr smiled apologetically. “It seems we stumbled upon an old ritual”, he said, his eyes conveying his surprise and yet the calmness of the Force.

Satele blinked. His eyes... They had been blind and unseeing before but now they swirled with molten gold. She remembered this. What she saw in his eyes was exactly what she had felt while giving herself over to the Force on Yavin, a maelstrom of light and power. “Can you-”, she swallowed around her nervousness. “Can you see me?”

She wanted to touch him, wanted to feel the difference with her own fingers, wanted to explore the changes with her senses and the Force but he still held her tight against the wall and pressed against his chest. She couldn't move and with her head turned it started to grow uncomfortable but at the same time she couldn't move her gaze away from him.

His smile broadened a bit, the teeth not yet showing. There was a speck of her blood left on his upper lip. “Yes, I can see you.” This time, the voice was more his own than other.

“Is it part of the ritual?” She remembered him saying something about a ritual before she had noticed his eyes.

“No.” He reached into the Force, Satele could feel it everywhere, it made her whole body tingle. “No, I don't think so. I guess it is a reward for doing what we are supposed to do.”

“Somehow I can't imagine that we have finished this ritual already.” Satele raised one eyebrow. “What are we supposed to do?”

His fingers in her pants started moving again. “What feels right, what feels good.” One finger gently stroked her outer labia. “Does this feel good to you?”

Satele's breath had quickened in anticipation. “Yes, this feels good. Is that really all there is to it?”

“What else should it be?” His finger trailed a bit deeper. “This is an ancient place, an ancient ritual from before the Force was called the Force. It was about new beginnings …” His voice trailed back into being different, being more than just him. “It was life and joy but also accepting the ways of life and death. It was about submission – and domination.”

As though to further demonstrate his point, Marr pushed her harder against the stone wall and forced her hands behind her head. She heard a light sizzling and crackling in the air and it made her skin be even more sensitive to the harsh rocks, the dampness in the air and the feeling of Marr's breath in her neck. Lightning sparks trailed along her shoulders, setting her nerves on fire and yet not hurting her. The lightning gathered around her wrists, fixating them where Marr held them and Satele didn't dare move them. This wasn't a fight. This was about trust and although there was a dangerous glint in the Force surrounding Marr and Satele's breath quickened, she knew that he wasn't going to hurt her.

This display of raw power was enough to remind her that her ghostly companion wasn't just that but had also been the longest-serving and most powerful member of the Dark Council. She didn't fight against the bonds of lightning he had bound her with. She granted him this control over herself because this was Marr's way of proving to himself that he still held power although he had been defeated. It was her way of proving to herself that she still was able to completely trust someone. 

And she trusted him. He could try to overpower her but he would have a fight on his hands. He was strong but so was Satele. He had been the strongest Sith Lord but Satele had been the Grandmaster and she hadn't gained this position for nothing. She wouldn't have to fight, though. She knew that and she wanted to believe it. After all this time she had spent with Marr, she knew that she could trust him and he wouldn't fight her.

Satele could feel him in her back, his fingertips just hovering above her skin, just close to touching her and yet not doing it. As though she was a sacrifice too holy, too pure to be touched by someone like him, tainted by darkness. His lips were close enough that she could feel his breath, the warmth and even the little bit of water that always existed in every exhale. Still, there was only lightning touching her skin, controlled, somewhat tamed lightning – she had never though it possible and yet here she was, trusted Marr to keep the lightning under control.

She concentrated on the cold and hard stones and the occasional thin patches of moss. The air should have been stale but actually smelled quite fresh and a little damp from the water she heard running somewhere deeper in the cave. There was heat radiating off of Marr and while he didn't touch her yet she could already feel his warmth like a promise.

It was easy to lose herself in sensation, just a little sigh and all her thoughts focussed on Marr, the cave and her feelings, no room for philosophy, right or wrong or what was and was not expected for her to finish this ritual she had found herself a part in – or what would happen if they didn't finish it.

The first touch was like thunder and heat, forcing her back into the now and the here. It was so tender and soft as though he feared that she might break in his fingers. It was as though he was searching for a weakness, a breaking point. She shivered involuntarily. There were so many shatterpoints in her mind, ripped open by the Emperors, he wouldn't have to search for them.

Slowly, his touches grew fiercer, bolder. Hot lips and hotter kisses followed the trails of his fingers and he was stroking her sides, her thighs, caressed every finger's width of her skin while the Force flowed around them in circles, strong currents that entranced them, steadied them, kept them where they were. Satele had to press her bound hands firm into the rocky wall to keep herself from following the impulse to just turn around and touch Marr the way he touched her.

“Stay”, he murmured from somewhere at her lower back. “Don't move.”

Satele bit back a frustrated groan. This was so different from Jace and … that other time. Both times she had been in control, had set the rules and decided when to take the next step. This time she had given this control to someone else and it was frustrating and exhilarating at the same time.

Suddenly, Marr was all over her. His chest at her back, his arms slung around her and his groin resting against her butt. His face was nuzzled tight into the slopes of her neck and considering that he radiated contentment into the Force he just seemed to genuinely enjoy this close contact. Satele would never have thought him to be a cuddler but it felt good the way it was. Maybe being a Force ghost had him longing for closeness and body contact before anything else. Maybe it had already been before his death in his self-chosen isolation that he had yearned someone to touch and be touched in return.

He didn't want her to move, so Satele did the next best thing. She reached for him in the Force and traced the small smile that formed on his lips as he felt her touch in the Force. She brushed the opened tunic from his shoulders, heard the slight rustle of fabric as it fell to the ground. Marr chuckled lowly in response and moved his hands lower across her chest towards her pants.

Satele shifted a bit to allow him better access and repositioned herself against his groin. She could grind herself against him. It had driven every other man wild that she'd known this closely. All it would take was just a little movement of her hips and a little bit of rebellion against his wishes. She stayed herself. She had granted Marr control and she could be patient.

His nimble fingers found the lacing of her pants and unravelled it. “You're projecting loudly”, he answered her unasked question. “Patience is a virtue, Satele. I'm going to make you scream in pleasure but I think we both deserve some more than only that.” He chuckled again. “Or have you gone and become a young woman again?”

Satele gulped around the lump in her throat forming at the thoughts what Marr had planned for her. “No, I haven't”, she laughed. “I can wait.”

Marr hummed in agreement. “Now, maybe we shouldn't do this against the wall. You're still alive and I think it's detrimental to your health although the Force is with you.”

“You might be right.” Satele licked her lips when Marr caressed her labia again despite his words. She wouldn't mind standing and just taking what he gave her and giving back in return whatever she could but maybe there were more comfortable ways of doing it. After all, she wasn't that young any longer and she remembered too well how her knees had cracked after meditation.

Using the Force she shoved her clothing into a pile that could be used as some kind of bed – she'd slept in worse places. Marr helped her to lower herself onto the now covered ground. After all, her hands were still bound and there were ever new wisps of lightning webbing over her skin, trying to embrace her, to ensnare her, trap her in a web of the Force and pleasure, mingling into each other so that she couldn't differentiate one from the other any longer.

“Now, this is a sight to behold”, Marr commented before delving between her legs and pulling off her pants. “I'm glad I can see you here.” One lazy stroke along her naked thigh made her shiver, his hand trailing deeper along her calf to her ankle as new lightning sprang forth from his tips anchoring her to the ground. “Nearly naked and spread before me.” Another lazy stroke made her buckle up her hips. He knew exactly where she was sensitive – she might also be a bit ticklish there, not that she'd say that out loud.

“If all you do is talk, I'm going to get rid of these bonds and -”

Marr interrupted her by simply moving atop of her again and letting his weight rest on her, his face so close to hers that she could make out all the small scar tissue irregularities around his eyes. It hadn't healed properly when the acid had gotten him. She gently touched him in the Force and had he still been alive, she would have tried to heal his wounds – now the only wounds that she could still heal were wounds of the mind, old and long scarred, new and still bleeding.

Only now did she realize how hot his skin was. They were touching everywhere, his pants having come off sometime before when Satele hadn't been looking. She let her Force senses roam over his back, the tense muscles holding up part of his weight and scars upon scars running over smooth skin. Where war hadn't touched him, he could just as well have been a nobleman.

“I can stop talking. I could just rut against you like a wild animal and take you without any hesitation.” There was the hint of danger again. “I could just take what I want and leave you here, completely open and spread wide and needy for more.” The thought made her shiver and grind against him, though she couldn't tell whether it was lust or something else. “Or I could fuck you raw until you wouldn't know you name any longer. I could keep you on edge until you would beg me to stop.”

Satele moaned in anticipation. Her mind made her play through all these scenarios and she could already hear herself beg and moan and ask for more until exhaustion would get the better of her. She could feel herself getting wet from the idea of being totally lost in bodily sensation. “Just do it”, she answered, her voice husky from lust. “I've wanted this for years. Make me.”

There was a short smile on his lips answering her challenge. Then his head dove down, right over her clit where his hot breath made her squirm with unmet needs. “Then let go, Satele.” His deep voice vibrated against her labia and she gasped loudly at the sudden sensation.

His tongue darted forward and he started licking her folds and, Force, it felt good. “Is that what you did?”, she asked between moans. It was hard to concentrate but she was willing to use every information he gave her. “Is that why you aren't like other Force ghosts?”

He chuckled lightly, his tongue still teasing her. It was hard not to thrust into his face, to take him deep into her and just dissolve into pleasure. Force, she could feel his amusement and his growing lust, the spikes in pleasure when she teased him using the Force in inappropriate ways. “You can't let it go, can you?”, he stopped his teasing tongue. If she hadn't been wet and ready before, she sure as hells was now. “It is part of it. Being a part of this ritual is another.”

He kissed her, his tongue slipping into her mouth to quell any other questions before she could ask them. She could taste herself and, Force, had it been long. Satele spread her legs as far as the lightning bonds around her one ankle allowed and bucked her hips.

“Growing impatient?” Marr still chuckled but she could feel that he was becoming more and more aroused, his dick hardening where he was lying between her thighs. “I'm not letting you off that easily.”

For one short moment she wanted to ask why he would continue this torture, this slow teasing, putting her on edge and keeping her there. Then she understood. Maybe this was their only chance together and he wanted to make the most of it. She could get behind that. “If this is our only time, I want you to make it the longest you ever had. I want you to be so close to coming that you can't take it any longer and still keep it at bay.” If he could talk like that, maybe he liked it. She was gifted with a few heavy breaths from his side and the feeling of muscles tensing up even more in anticipation. “I want you to be so deep in me that I won't be able to walk for days.” A sharp take in of breath. He definitely liked it and Satele would use it to her advantage. “And if it is our only time together, I want you to stay with me afterwards. And I will sit by the fire and you will be the only one to watch me when I strip down and there will only be fire and starlight and I will slowly tease myself with a finger … ”

It was the first time he moaned with pure pleasure. The sound sent a feeling of power through Satele. She had made him open up to show such a reaction, such a weakness. Then he growled, a low, deep sound, echoing in her mind. “Very good. I didn't think you would talk like that.” He seemed to acknowledge that two could play this game of sexual fantasies, sensual pleasure and carnal desires.

She was prepared for a reaction from him and still she gasped when he slipped a finger between her folds and searched for that one spot again where she was overly sensitive. Those days when being a good Jedi had been hard she had gotten herself off there, just rubbing herself until she was a bundle of nerves on fire and every movement made her body quiver in response.

“You have no idea how hard you make it for me to still take it slow.” He bit her neck hard enough that he would leave a mark. Together with a delicious twist of his finger in her clit it made her moan loudly. Force, who would have thought that sex could also be like this? It was definitely different from the times she had had before.

It made her grin, drunken with a new found power. She spread her legs a bit farther apart, made her appear just that bit more vulnerable. She threw her head back so that he could bite her throat if he felt like it. “Tell me.”

“I would love to take that ass into my hands.” His hands cupped her cheeks to demonstrate what he had put so vulgarly in words. He seemed to prefer profanities during sex. When he spoke them, Satele could see the appeal. “And then I would hold you down so you couldn't move while I open you up and eat you out until you're dry and your voice hoarse from screaming my name.” One hand wandered higher to put pressure onto her hip bones and push her into her clothes on the ground. “I would turn you around and I would make you kneel while you are still exhausted and I would take you, thrust deep into you while you can only brace the ground for support and your muscles are shivering from orgasms too hard for your body and yet you still beg for more. I could get you off with the Force. Again and again and again while you can't move even one finger.”

Satele laughed deeply. “Do you want to kill me?”

“Not yet”, Marr admitted. His finger slipped inside her, just a short dip into her wet clit, just teasing her while his thumb ground against that sensitive spot that made her want to grind against him and just get herself off. Yet she forced herself to keep as still as she could and enjoy the pleasure he let her receive.

His thumb worked her clit harder and she angled her free leg to allow him better access so that he would rub the sensitive skin, the nerves over that one point that just increased her desire to get to that sweet, sweet edge and tumble over it. She couldn't help but push her foot in the ground because she had no other relief. It was torture, a delicious, sweet form of torture – and one the Emperors had never tried.

Marr felt her sudden discomfort at the memories and held his movements for a moment to make sure she was alright with it. He absolutely wanted to make sure that she was good. Oh, she was as long as he wouldn't stop now.

“Just don't stop”, she whispered hoarsely. She wasn't sure what she would do if he wouldn't continue now.

“You really are draining on my self control”, Marr admitted and it was the closest admittance of weakness she would get from him.

“You hold mine in your fingers”, Satele answered. “Just take me. Make me do all the things you said. Make me scream.” It was just short of begging but her self control – and her pride – weren't that far gone that she would really beg. Not yet.

Marr inhaled sharply at her bold move and exhaled very slowly and controlled. “Are you trying to order me around?”, he asked with a hint of power in his voice, a hint of other.

“Never.” Satele would never admit it out loud but at this point – or maybe it had already been like that before but she hadn't noticed it – she found this domineering act and the display of power going along with it extremely arousing. It was nearly painful how hard she wanted to come at the thought alone of being at his mercy, of having Marr in control while he was also partially a channel for the Force itself. “I would never order you around. I'm giving myself up to your mercy. I'm letting go.” And she did. She let go of the doubts keeping her from enjoying this, the doubts telling her that this was messed up and perverted. She let go of the pride keeping her from begging for Marr to give her what she sorely needed, what she needed now. “Please.”

“Yes.” Suddenly there was a second finger inside her, caressing her inner walls and massaging the muscles around them. “Beg.” His teeth bit her nipple while he rubbed her clit with his thumb. She tightened around his fingers and gasped loudly.

“Please, please don't stop.”

He was relentless. Pushing his fingers inside her, thrusting back and forth while his thumb worked her clit and his teeth and tongue played with her nipples that were hard and super sensitive now. The barest breath made her shiver. And her hands were bound and one leg was bound, so all she could do was squirm and writhe completely at his mercy. Oh, Force, if only she could touch herself to release some of the pressure.

She threw her head back when he used a particularly effective move on her clit that even stole a little scream from her lips. “Oh Force, Marr, just … don't leave me.” Her hands searched for something to grab and she ended up grabbing her own hands. In the Force however, she could reach out and hold onto everything she could find. And she could nudge Marr into the direction where she wanted him. Closer, ever closer.

An appreciative moan rumbled in Marr's chest. “I love to hear you beg. All that Jedi pride gone … “ He chuckled. “All that pride that you Jedi are less driven than Sith but in the end you're just as susceptible to a few. Simple. Touches.” With each word he gave her clit a delicious flick.

“All this Sith arrogance”, Satele replied and tried to even her breath although he was still meticulously working her clit. “You think you hold power over me just because I beg you to continue?” With a surge of her new found power she brought the lightning around her wrists and ankle under her will and forced them around Marr. It wasn't even that difficult to use this momentum to throw Marr on his back, surprised by her actions as he was.

Her lips parted in a heady grin when she positioned herself above Marr, her hips holding his down and her hands fishing for his elusive wrists until she just pinned him down using the Force. Sweet ancestors, this was inappropriate. She'd learnt better and yet she couldn't bring herself to feel regret over her current situation. “You only hold the power over me that I've given you.”

He grunted from the effort to fight against her control. He could just as well have tried to move a mountain with his bare hands. Satele was one with the Force and fighting against the Force itself was possible but also in vain.

Then, a sudden shift in the Force. Satele couldn't react in time and found herself on her knees with Marr in her back, one arm slung around her throat. “True power isn't given. It's taken.”

For a moment she wanted to fight back. Old habits die hard, they said. Then she felt a sting of arousal in her abdomen and was a moment too late to suppress the moan in her throat. She tensed up, knowing that she had just given more power into his hands. Then she remembered that she could also turn this into a weapon. Just so, she ground the small of her back into his groin.

Her action elicited a surprised gasp from Marr and then a low growling when he gripped her hips hard and pushed her harshly onto the ground. She caught the impact with her forearms and grasped the clattered clothing with her hands. She could feel him pushing into her ass cheeks, painfully hard and yet not ready to give in.

“Now, Sith, what will you do?” She tried to contain the smugness and failed miserably. It felt just too good to kneel and yet hold the upper hand.

“Damn Jedi”, he growled, pushing her even deeper down that her nipples grazed the rough fabric of her tunic.

Satele spread her legs a bit further in response. It was so easy to just follow the rhythm, the currents of the Force and slowly grind herself against Marr. She could feel his self control crumbling. She could see the one hand he used to support himself curling into a fist. She could hear his laboured breathing.

“Why do you hesitate?”, she asked huskily. “You wanted this. You wanted me on my knees. Here I am.” She nudged him in the Force, closed it around his penis as though it was a hand and coaxed him closer. “Tell me you want to come inside of me.”

There was a short pause. “Are you trying to make me beg, Jedi?”

“At this moment?” Satele turned her head and grinned. “I could get you to do everything I want. I can feel you in the Force and you need me in this moment. I could stand up and you would scream in frustration. I could leave and this would just stay the promise of something that could have been … “ She let the sentence end in openness.

Marr didn't take long to respond. Just as Satele was about to rise, he let a hand rest on her shoulder blades. “Don't.” The hint of other returned into his voice. 

“Make me.” She pushed up but was pressed down immediately and sparks trailed along her spine. Was it wrong that she was aroused by this display of power? A moment ago she would have made him work to get her in the mood again. Now she was all too ready to feel him inside of her, to feel him slowly pressing inside – right into her centre, to push past the first strangeness of being filled. It had been so long after all.

She angled her hips in anticipation, braced herself and closed her eyes to better concentrate on the feeling. It was a good thing he had already fingered her thoroughly – and that she was still becoming very moist. Lube wasn't exactly easy to find in the wilderness of a planet forsaken by everything but the Force.

He was slowly pushing into her and Satele was trying her best to just breathe and relax. Force, it had been very long. She wasn't used to anything inside her anymore – heck, she hadn't been used to it ever. Marr on the other side seemed to revel in the feeling of pushing into her, slowly, slowly, moving so painfully slow that Satele wanted to curse him.

He hit something inside her that made her gasp. She clenched her muscles in response to the sudden sensation and Marr moaned audibly. “You better not do this too often if you want this to last a while longer.” He had halted in his movements but Satele could feel his penis swelling inside of her as though he was just short of coming.

“This?”, she asked, clenching her muscles again teasingly and elicited another deep moan from Marr.

“Now you're just begging for it”, he growled. “When we're finished, you won't be able to walk for a while.”

He was relentless, pushing deeper and deeper inside her until he hit that one spot that made her scream in pleasure. She'd simply forgotten how good it felt to just be so full of pleasure, so sensitive to every touch, just a moaning mess.

She was gasping and moaning with every breath now, hearing the low rumble in Marr when he hit her with a particularly vicious thrust that made her buck her hips up in response and shiver. Her hands grasping her tunic were white-knuckled. She relaxed her grip for just a moment and put all her weight only on one forearm.

Marr was enjoying to tease her. Thrusting inside her alternating between fast, short dips into her and long, deep thrusts that made her beg for more. He particularly seemed to enjoy those. It made her increasingly frustrated that he seemed content with just keeping her on edge and begging.

When she touched herself, finally, her arousal peaked even more and she could feel herself tighten up into what would be the hardest orgasm of her life. Marr groaned into her back and his penis started pulsing, while he came inside her, shuddering while the orgasm finally took her, made her scream and yell and beg for it to end while it was also far too good to ever end.

Her self control shattered and she released it all into the Force. For a short moment she existed everywhere and nowhere at the same time. She could feel Marr's control shattering through the onslaught of her emotions and suddenly they were gone, somewhere deep within the Force where only they were real and yet also everything else while they were just ghosts. Marr's hands and thighs were more material to her than the rocky ground she lay on, his breathing was better to hear than the rustling of her clothes.

Satele tried to catch her breath again with Marr resting lightly against her back. Her knees were numb and she was pretty sure that Marr was right. She wouldn't be walking soon. Well, she was alone on this planet anyway. It wouldn't matter if she took some time to rest.  
Marr's warmth vanished from her back and she could hear a sigh. “Now, this might have been too much for this cave.”

Satele suppressed a yawn. Force, she was exhausted. How could she have forgotten the exhaustion? “Hm?”, she asked, satisfaction eminent in her voice.

“We broke the cave”, Marr elaborated. “No, it's not crumbling”, he added when Satele tried to get up. “It's just … listen to it in the Force.”

She reached out with her senses – they were still magnified and that would take some getting used to – and started to understand what he meant. When she had come here, the Force had been in balance here, strong, overwhelmingly so, but in balance. Now it was in turmoil – most likely thanks to Marr's and her … activities.

“I'm just glad I can't get pregnant this time.” The two pregnancies she had been through, had been enough for her. She absolutely didn't need this another time. Satisfied and exhausted she laid down on her rumpled tunic and robes.

“Are you sure?”, Marr raised one eyebrow in her direction – his eyes had gone blind again as far as she could tell but he must have located her through sound.

“Marr. I've been through this before, even with all the Force involvement.” She made a wish with her hand. “I'm too old and anyway, I'm not leaking any of your semen, so I think I'm safe.”

“You've been what?”

Satele bit her lower lip. Not even torture in the Spire had gotten her to give up this secret and now she nearly blabbed it out after a round of sex – it had been very good sex, though. “I've been through this. Not exactly this but similar enough.”

Marr frowned. “I thought Malcom was the father of your son? I wasn't informed that he is Force sensitive.” A short pause. “Unless you are talking about someone else.”

“And what if I am?”

“Then I can assure you that Imperial Intelligence was not aware of any other exploits you have made besides the one resulting in Theron Shan.” He hesitated. “Unless Jadus kept that from me, too.”

“Well, Theron kept my name although he never accepted me as his mother.” She sighed. “I never acted like it anyway.”

“So, who were you talking about?” Marr seemed genuinely interested.

Satele eyed him up and down – when he'd returned to being a full ghost he's also gone back to being clothed except for the mask that still laid cold and hard next to her. “I guess there's no problem with telling you. They are all dead now.”

“Don't tell me it was someone from the Council.” Marr was fast at combining. If Satele had spent some more time with someone from the Council, Intelligence wouldn't have picked up on it.

“It was an experiment”, Satele said after some hesitation. “Syo had found some prophecy about the Chosen and how they would be strong in the Force. So … we tried.”

“Syo Bakarn? The First Son?” Marr reached for his mask and yet he only held it in his hands. “And here I thought that my life had been messed up.” Another pause. “You became pregnant then, too? Who were the children? No … “

“You knew them both.” Satele allowed a sad smile to creep on her lips.

“Twins?” Marr groaned. “Kenshi and Keshin. I should have known. It just seemed too ridiculous.”

Satele laughed out loud. “Orgus would love to hear that. Syo and I gave him hell for giving our children such names.” She groaned. “You got me all sentimental. I miss them. Both. Although they could have warned me about the fact that it would be twins.”

Marr frowned again. “You talk as though you've been intimate with both of them?”

Satele shrugged with her shoulders. “Surprise. We've always been close, so it felt only natural.”

Marr snorted. “And here I though the Jedi to be prude.”

Satele couldn't help but laugh again. “If only you knew.” It felt good to laugh. Far easier than before. It made her remember that the pain would fade. She would heal and she would stand her ground against the Emperors. She would pave the way for the future just as she had done for her children.

“They were the most brilliant of your order”, Marr admitted. “The Hero of Tython and the Barsen'thor. Who would have guessed … “

“Do you remember Imarré? She did. I don't know why she knew and not the others but she knew.”

Marr gulped. “Of course I remember Imarré. I should show you where I'm buried some time before we bring the fight back to Zakuul.”

“I always wondered about that”, Satele admitted. “Whether there is a grave for you.”

“It's a tomb, actually. Malachor Three. It hadn't been occupied then and it's still under Sith Control. The Emperors don't seem to understand how important that planet is so they let us bury our dead there.”

“A tomb. It's not as hideous as the ones on Yavin, is it?” Satele could stand the similar looks but she would never go near another tomb that felt so rotten, so wrong after thousands of years of corruption.

“Lana Beniko ordered it to be built. I like to think that it looks better and the traps are less … let's just say that the Sith of old had some very interesting ideas how to punish tomb robbers.”

Satele bit down a snort. “Of course, there are traps. And from what I gather, you aren't the only council member buried there. I guess, I should better stay away then.”

Marr seemed to contemplate her words for a moment and nodded then. “Maybe you should. But then, Imarré is also buried there.”

Satele raised one eyebrow. “Why would the Jedi who killed the Emperor's body be buried on a Sith planet?”

“You aren't the only Jedi to have an affair with a Sith Lord, Satele.” Abruptly, he stood up, suddenly fully clothed again. “And that's my cue for returning. I think Thanaton and Occlus are fighting in my tomb again.”

“Will you come back?”, she asked hesitantly while also trying not to laugh about the idea of Sith Force ghosts squabbling.

“I promised, didn't I?” He embraced her but this time he was only a ghost, a memory and the warmth was gone like a dream. “You will not stand alone.”

**Author's Note:**

> This story links to a few others in this series, namely: Shadows of Malachor, Cold Peace (which is yet to be written), The Forgotten Hero (same thing), Paradoxa - Legends of History - The Shadow and some other SWTOR-stuff that still needs to be written. Just if you are curious.


End file.
